**Update** You all should know that my husband does not share my views on this one! That's okay though...he pretty much has the final say around here anyway! Love you Big Daddy!
Two years ago, Big Daddy decided together that we were officially "done" having children. One boy, one girl....we are set. But answer me this. Will I ever really feel like I'm done? Will I ever be totally okay with not having a little one to cuddle? I'm sure my family (who was so supportive when I was miserable while pregnant with Coco) would like to remind me of how we ALL suffered through my last pregnancy. But I am a completely different person than I was two years ago. I can't help but wonder how my new found faith in our Lord would change the way I dealt with pregnancy. I can't help but wonder if we screwed up. NO Big Daddy, I am not saying you need to hit up the Shepard's reversal doctor! But I know, based on scripture, that I was not obedient to the Lord. HE is the one who is supposed to open and close the womb...not Dr. McClippy. (No, that's not his real name!) Please know that I do NOT take this post lightly. I am really going out on a limb here sharing my heart.
I have seen so many people struggle to get pregnant and I feel worse each story I hear. I am perfectly capable of carrying healthy children to term. Was I selfish to just put a stop to it just like that? What makes me think that I know better than God? Whoooweee, I certainly think a lot of myself now don't I? Ugh.
So for now, I will still be a little disappointed every time that day rolls around when my body tells me that I am no doubt withOUT child. Of course....that should have happened last week. **wink wink** But I will accept that the longing I feel is God's way of reminding me that HE is in control. Maybe I will think twice before making such a huge decision without consulting long and hard with scripture.