Wednesday, April 4, 2012

That's What Faith Can Do.

Today is a beautiful day.  The weather in our part of the world has been nothing short of amazing.  I have put aside my worrying about the mutant blood sucking mosquitoes that are probably going to be invading us this year because of the VERY mild winter, and I am just enjoying these gorgeous days.  Today is a Coco day.  These are the days when it's just me and my Cohen at home all day.  These are the days that are very numbered.  I can count on two hands how many of these days we have left before school is out for Claire.  I look forward to having her home with us...but it's the end of an era so to speak.  The thought of it makes my chest feel tight and a lump in my throat form at an alarming rate.  I will leave all of that for a different post.

Today during a little quiet time I managed to nab, I was overwhelmed.  If I had to label the feeling, I would call it contentment.  I put it on facebook, but I wanted to elaborate a little as to how I got here.  8 years ago, I had a great little life.  Baby on the way, hottie husband with a good steady job, cute little home and a family that was simply amazing.  Looking seems so simple.  Life was good, but I was so far from being content.  I was young and pretty sheltered, neither of which are bad things...but I just really didn't have a clue.

Fast forward to today.  I have survived the loss of a sister (it is just easier to refer to her as my sister..because that's what she was to me) as well as my uncle and grandpa.  From the outside it would seem that my life has become significantly more complicated.  Compared to 8 years ago...more kids, more house to keep, more grief, more critics, more pain and luckily...more faith.  Funny how that last one, that one simple thing, cancels out everything else. Because of my FAITH I am a better person.  Am I perfect? Heck no.  Last week I said A LOT of curse words one day, and given the situation...I'm really not even that sorry about it.  I get irritated and lose my cool with my kids, and I can't even tell you about my road rage incident that I made Claire promise to keep to herself.  We went to church Sunday for the first time in ages.  I procrastinate.  We are always running late, just ask the secretaries at Claire's school.  I have cellulite.  Cohen always has long dirty fingernails.  My laundry is always out of control.  And those are just the little things.  However, my faith has changed the way I look at the world.  Faith has made me wake up and be confident in myself and my purpose.  Faith has taken away my fear.  Faith has calmed my heart.  Faith has made me content.  THAT, my friends..."That's What Faith Can Do."

This is one song that always reminds me of Steph.  This was one that she picked for her video that was played at her funeral.  I miss her all the time, but I am so thankful for a God who loves me so much that he sent his only Son to die for my sins.  Because of that ultimate sacrifice...I will see her again someday.