Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Dreaming With a Broken Heart

Last night, all of my dreams were about Steph. One dream she was accepting an award for something in an outfit that obviously neither my mom or I had approved! It was actually pretty funny now that I think about it. To honor her, my friend Kim and I did a dance on stage wearing flesh colored leotards. Stop...picture that....take it all in folks.

There was a different dream that took me back to my old room. I was holding her and telling her it was okay to go. The sad thing is...I did that...in real life. I woke up in tears. Thankful that I had that time with her when she was more than just a dream. Thankful that she isn't in that state anymore. Thankful that of the millions of memories I have in that bedroom, the most important are the ones I have of her. Even more thankful that most of those memories DON'T involve her laying in that bed. But still...my heart is broken.

"When you're dreaming with a broken heart,
the waking up is the hardest part.
You roll outta bed and down on your knees,
and for the moment you can hardly breathe.
Wondering was she really here?
Is she standing in my room?
No she's not...'cause she's gone gone gone gone gone....."
-John Mayer


Sheila said...

I love you Chrissy...I'm sorry you're hurting. Trust and believe in the process, this too shall pass. Your heart will some day be filled with only sweet memories, joy, and peace. "Gods time", honey. Until then, keep doing what you're doing! Because YOU are DOING AWESOME (which is much better than you feel, I am sure!)

Sweet Prayers of Comfort and Healing are being sent to you dear sister!

Kim said...

Loved the dream! I sadly wondered if I was wearing a sports bra?!?! Then, I was more concerned that, of all people, WE were dancing...in a flesh colored leotard of all things! Surely, Momma Cheryl didn't approve that outfit for us?!?!

I've been praying fo you sweetie...praying for you and your broken heart. I am so thankful you have some solid, wonderful memories of her.

Love and Hugs to you!

Anonymous said...

I've been reading Stephanie's blog for the past month or so. It is so obvious the impact she had on so many people. I can only imagine how she must have cherished your friendship. I just had to reply to this because I lost a very close friend 4 1/2 years ago. I can still remember those dreams of her after she passed. Occasionally I still dream of her and I cherish those dreams. Both of our dear friends are in a better place and, like you, I'm so thankful for the memories I have.

Know that you and the rest of Steph's family are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

I am Scot's cousin Jill and I was wondering if you knew the name of the scholarship fund that is set up for the boys at OakStar Bank. I wanted to send a check. My email address is rjstund@cvalley.net.

I also want to thank you so much for being with Steph, Scot and the boys. You are a true blessing to them and all our family. I will keep you and your folks in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless you!

Jill (Moore) Stundebeck

Anonymous said...

Chrissy,You have such wonderful way with word's!! My heart aches for you and for the many that loved Steph,including myself!! We were so blessed when your mother became friend's with her!! I love those two little guy's and can't wait to see them.Drew and I have a race to run.Give everyone my love and kiss my great grandchildren for me and hope to see you all soon!! Grammy

Anonymous said...

From Jefferson City area and Helias girl's BB coach's FB post, Doug Light. (I went to high school with him)..... I was so proud of the basketball coaching community on Thursday - so many showed up - along with many former players and friends - for the funeral of Kickapoo Coach Stephanie Phillips to honor the memory of a great wife, mother, friend, and coach - who fought bravely to the end. What a great example of faith she demonstrated to all who knew her. Coach Cheryl Burnett gave a wonderful eulogy.
20 hours ago · Comment ·UnlikeLike
You and 7 others like this..Mandy Bare I'm so sad to hear of the loss of Coach Phillips. I grew up watching her play at SMSU when we lived in Springfield.
19 hours ago · LikeUnlike.Beth Ruether I saw Coach Phillips for the first time at the SMSU bball camp when I was in high school. I remember thinking that she seemed pretty "cool" to a kid like me. After reading all the articles and seeing her work for the MBCA, I know she was a remarkable person in every aspect of her life. She's the type of coach who makes me want to strive to be a better coach. Hearing that she passed away made me tear up.
9 hours ago · LikeUnlike.Eileen Strodtman Stapp We happened to be at a high school all star basketball game Sat night and a couple of her players were playing. They broke the news to them after the game. It was obvious how much they loved her and how much of a positive influence she was to them. R.I.P. Coach Phillips.
8 hours ago · LikeUnlike.Chuck Bright Coaches really do touch A LOT of lives in a wonderful way which no other "job" can...
6 hours ago · LikeUnlike.Nick Hellebusch AMEN, MR. BRIGHT !
5 hours ago · LikeUnlike.Write a comment...

from Gary P