Searching.

Today has been one of those days that has left me searching. Searching my brain for answers that I don't have. Searching my heart for my purpose. Searching my house for things I haven't been able to find since August. This world is full of things I don't understand. Why are there children who have been neglected or abandoned? Why does cancer rip families limb from limb? Why the hate? Why the sickness? Why the sadness? So I search for answers. I search for ways to help. I search...sometimes to no avail.

The one place I find solace is in the Word of God. The TRUTH. His promise is what keeps me going.

I have had discussions with people who are non-believers. It used to make me uncomfortable because I never felt I had the right words. I was not very familiar with scripture and I don't think I will ever be able to spout off Bible verses for as long as I live. But one day, the following "came to me" which I later discovered, this is how God speaks to us. Without my faith, I would crumble under the pressure of the world. God gave me a very soft heart. Ask my parents. I've always been the "fragile" one. Over the past few years I have learned that this is not a bad thing as long as I remember His promise. He gave me a soft heart and often asks me to put it on the line. It's uncomfortable, sometimes downright painful. I will do it, because He asks me to. I could very well avoid a lot of heartache by keeping my distance, but tragically that would mean I would miss out on so much joy. The joy of new relationships. The joy of making someone's day brighter. The joy of doing God's work.

I have found that searching isn't really doing me any favors. Maybe I will just be still and listen.

But I will keep searching for my kitchen utensils.